What a time! From one day to the next, one scarcely knows what will happen. There is increasing transience with respect to time, an observation I believe, that is clarified in hindsight. What do I mean you may ask? Well, it seems the days are moving faster than before; incidence of sickness and death are on the increase among my peers…those within the extended family of friends and acquaintances. While these occurrences, being germane to the cycle of life are always in motion, there is seemingly very little that one can do, to anticipate and so successfully manage them. There is a sense in which as life happens, time passes and try as one might, altering the course of its evolving is beyond the realm of human machinations. So as my dear departed daddy would say… “Let me try to elucidate”.

In the last year or so, precipitated by and large with the onset of the pandemic, I have sensed within me, more than a passing reticence toward forward planning. Without doubt, there are things I would like to do, people I long to see and be with and generally speaking, experiences with family, friends and self, that being lodged somewhere in the cavernous depths of imagination, are silently crying out for release. Somehow however, I seem unable or is it incapable [the line between those two is quite blurred] of mustering either the outer excitement or inner will to move those hoped for experiences from the bowels of my dreams, to the open sunlight of reality.

There is a character trait [or flaw, depending on the angle from which it is viewed] akin to Freud’s superego, that assumes the role of conscience, ostensibly to steer one along right pathways but in reality, is a defense mechanism, created to spare one from disappointment. So for me, it is fear: of being hurt and/or disappointed; of losing someone precious; of a future in which there are no guarantees. To deal with these fears, I find myself choosing the path of least resistance or better yet, the path of no expectation; the path within which I am not disappointed – at least not externally – where I can retreat into and enjoy a world of my own creation…far from disappointed or disapproving stares.

Recently however, the Lord challenged this defeatist and if one were to be brutally honest, this self-serving attitude of mine, as I prepared to preach at the annual healing conference. Having been asked to preach, I wrestled with my unworthiness, comparing myself with previous speakers, wrapping myself in a blanket of self-deprecation, in order to cushion the fall from grace at the disappointment I believed the organizers and participants would experience.

On the evening before the service, having written pages of words that, like Ezekiel’s dry bones had no Spirit, I heeded the gentle admonition of a friend who advised that I go to bed and trust God. This sermon will not be about your intellectual prowess or theological astuteness, she implied; the sermon has been written by the Spirit upon your heart; get up from your computer, go to bed and quietly, open your heart to receive that which will be given to you, in the stillness of your surrender.

I stand amazed…in awesome wonder, at the magnanimity of our triune God!  Long ago my friend, Donohue Constantine, told me that whatever talents I had, were not just gifts to me; they were also gifts through me, for the blessing of others and the glory of God.

Today therefore, I stepped out in faith and am here making public the fact that I did. I believe, with you all as witnesses that the goal toward which I will be working will be just as extraordinary as the journey there. For years, I shied away from seriously engaging this project, offering one excuse after the other as reasons for my reticence. God has brought me back full circle however, reminding me, by the encouragement of others and words from scripture, written by the Apostle Paul to the Church at Philippi, that when God begins a good work in one, God will be relentless in bringing it to completion, if like Jesus, one is prepared to cast fear aside and, trusting Him who calls, press forward in faith, believing that with Him, nothing is impossible [my paraphrase of Philippians 1:6]! I will be working on that long overdue album...there, I said it! There is a little twist however, for I have been challenged therewith, to open my heart yet again, to divine inspiration…to make it an album, not simply of covers i.e. my take on other people’s songs, but to include original works…to engage with all that I am and have a project that will be dependent upon Pure Grace…and hence a testimony, to the faithfulness God.

So, as you journey through uncertain and transient trails, thinking that a joy-filled life is beyond reach, remember that defense mechanisms are not only ways to camouflage the reality of one’s authentic self; they are often the means by which we deny God the privilege and pleasure of showing forth His glory…of partnering with us, to enable beyond mere existence, a celebration of life in preparation for eternity.

Until next week therefore, continue to stay safe and well as you remain in His grip.

Grace+