Greetings!

Yes, “Today I Begin”! What can I say? I could try to explain my extended absence but then again, you know that although one’s heart may be full to overflowing, there are times when being able to express that contained within it, is nigh unto impossible. This is not because one is devoid of the desire to do so but because [and in my case this is the reality] the facility of language is, to put it bluntly, inadequate! Try as I might, I am not able to explain why I have been absent or why even now, my fingers hovering over the home keys on my computer, my mind is working overtime, trying to produce reasons why I should get up and find something else to do…sigh! Yes, that is the reality; the fact that I have found myself in a place where I am drawn to, and happily indulge mindless activities, requiring little of cranial or aortic energy, if you get my meaning.

It dawned upon me, during this period of mental and emotional wandering [which has become another favorite pastime], that while clinical depression may not be diagnosed now [and hopefully never], several of its symptoms are in fact alive and well, revealing themselves in my [non]actions. The lack of drive to engage activities that require the use of my brain and heart in more creative ways than watching predictable Hallmark reruns, is an example. Yes, I do that too.

Still, it is a blessing that I am here writing, or at least attempting to do so. I have received several messages from dear ones, enquiring about the reason[s] behind the noticeable absence of Graced Notes and I am grateful for the concern, not only regarding my [not]writing but also for me. By now, you know very well I am sure, that whatever I write is what is real to and for me; so, when I do not write, something is afoot. Wow! I am at the third paragraph, still trying to explain the unexplainable; so, it makes sense to call a halt to that and simply affirm the fact that I am alright. That is as much a statement of fact as it is one expressing a hope.

Recently, I shared with a young colleague, the fact that I have come to appreciate that vocation is not an entity cast in stone but has capacity to evolve. When we embrace that reality, divine dynamism and our response thereto takes us to new, interesting, and sometimes downright scary places. When we allow the divine to take control; when we relinquish the need to always be in charge, and hand the reins of our life and experiences over to the One who does all things well, even when we are scared…when the cloud of unknowing becomes so thick, we can no longer depend on our limited sight, to guide us along, we have arrived at the busy intersection of what Ethical Leadership professor Walter Earl Fluker refers to as ‘lifeworlds’. It is there, at that intersection, where worldly demands and expectations collide, that we must make the all-important choice, to either fudge our way through or place ourselves at the mercy of the divine, trusting that with grace born of pure love, the cloud of unknowing will begin to yield droplets and then copious showers…of blessing.

In choosing the latter option, i.e., placing myself at the mercy of the divine, I have begun to contemplate the next phase of my life and am intrigued by what I am hearing…what is being impressed upon my heart seriously, prayerfully. It speaks with quiet persistence of the blessedness of embracing simplicity and therein welcoming abundance. At first, it all seemed ludicrous. How much simpler than I already do, would I be expected to live? As my frantic questioning gave way to meditation, I began to realize that living simply and embracing simplicity are not the same. Under the loving direction of my teacher, I am still learning to appreciate the finer nuances with respect to definitions. For now, however [and feel free to share your perspective hereto], I am content in affirming the one as an offspring of the other, which holds so much more.

Oh, how I wish you could see my face; there is a little smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, trying to mimic the more full-blown one on my heart. Can you guess why? No, it is not the smooth jazz playing in the background, as the pianist caresses ebony and ivory with a certain knowing, while the bass and traps players assist in keeping the tempo exactly right. It is not even the reality of the music’s calming effect on my nerves…the fact that a light-hearted mood has permeated more than the space from which I write. Ah, well, let me put you out of your misery [laugh] and share with you that my smile has resulted from my having done it!

Yes, I have breached the dryness barrier…I am writing again…Gotcha! Pray with me that as I continue to be open and respond positively to my teacher, I will improve in all the ways that will honor Her gentle encouragement…the bold yet unforced method She employs as She instructs.

Well, until next time, which I hope will be soon; continue to be safe and well as you remain in His grip.

Grace+

P.S. I know you are dying to hear who my teacher is. You may very well know Her; Her initials are…

H S 😊