Greetings!

Wow! So much is going on here in Jam; sometimes I feel like I could find and crawl into a cave and hide, but I’m afraid of lizards, so that would end up being like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Seriously though, it has been nigh unto impossible, making sense of the riot of emotions I have experienced over the past two weeks, on account of the bizarre [and that is putting it mildly] occurrences taking place in this land God still loves, even if right now mi cyaan stan iit!! Really now, and this is no cliché, it is only the Grace of the Almighty that has kept and is keeping us not only alive but sane, in these troubling times! Living alone as I do, I find myself in constant conversation with God. Then again, I am not even sure [echoing the sentiments of one of my sister-friends] if what I am in fact doing can be called praying or vocalized consideration. The truth is, either way, I know without the shadow of a doubt that were it not for Grace, God’s Grace, I would perhaps be…well, let’s leave it there…

I had a long talk with myself yesterday. There is no denying the fact that I have added some serious poundage to my already ample frame and while my clothes still fit, my [lower] back is on a non-stop complaining tirade! There is also the fact that upon looking at my ankles, it is obvious that no one in their right mind could accuse me of having coolie foot. That seen, is closer in reality to, and therefore reminiscent of, two sturdy pieces of Negro yam; so you can very well imagine that the word dainty has now been deleted from my vocabulary, as an adjective to be employed in speech regarding my physical frame. So, following that talk with myself, I had a talk with God!

It is a truth that very often we humans find/create scapegoats for our misdeeds; in my case, I guess one could say I am guilty with explanation. This pandemic and the related challenges of lockdown and curfew, has renewed in a somewhat clandestine way, my relationship with the F-word. Yes, I have renewed my intimacy with Food and with the best of intentions towards keeping it under wraps, the evidence of our many and varied trysts cling to me with the kind of unabashed glee that I am finding it, shall we say, difficult to shake off. So, following the long talk with self, I had a talk with God; I confessed, for the one millionth time, the fact that I could very well supply paving material for the road to that place, given the abundance of good intentions in my possession.

The talk, thankfully, was not one-sided; in fact, having discerned a response to my plea for understanding and direction, I went to bed with a certain resolve. I awoke this morning, at my usual 4:30 to find that my very first thought was in the direction of the previous night’s resolution. Needless to say, I began the slow dance of turning it over, several times, in my head. I reasoned, rationalized and came up with a number of ways for justifying why tomorrow and not today, would be a better time to engage it. But God was having none of it! I watched the clock move from 4:30 to 5:00, still trying to eke some kind of reason out of an already closed issue, as far as God was concerned and sensing defeat, I gave up trying. I donned the necessary garments, went outside, opened the gate and getting into my vehicle, I drove to the Mona campus of the University of the West Indies where, I parked, strapped on my back brace and…I began to walk!

This is not just a matter of engaging in physical exercise; this is about the temple of the Lord that I have allowed to decline, with the physical evidence thereof, in full view. This is about reengaging a disciplined way of being, that will allow for the temple’s restoration, to remake of it, a place where the divine will be only too happy to inhabit; a place I will be proud of, for the simple reason that somehow, I have caused my Maker, Redeemer, Sustainer and Lord to once again, look at this particular abode of His, and instead of sighing…smile!

The journey towards restoration will be a long, arduous and tedious undertaking but having begun, I will be counting on divine enabling for the provision of strength and courage…oh the courage, to see it to completion. So yes, it is Grace that’s needed, not me but divine Grace, to Persevere.

Until next time, continue to stay safe and well as you remain in His grip.

Grace+