Greetings,

Today I am writing, even as the movements of my heart wend their way toward my mind – trying to adopt a linguistic pattern that will at least make them intelligible. Have you ever experienced the dilemma of feeling things deep in your gut that cannot always be put into words; like a profound knowing that seems to transcend the smallness of rational thought? Well, that’s what is happening with me in this moment. I know what I would like to share with you but am having some difficulty finding the right words with which to convey it. Anyway…here goes.

I have been on something of a spiritual Ferris-wheel this Lent. By that I mean there have been as many highs as there have been lows – the former exhilarating while the latter, well…leaves me with a longing for the former – if you get my meaning. This see-saw, helter-skelter way of being is fuelled in large part by my penchant for procrastination, a characteristic flaw, I have come to accept, that is directly related to cowardice! Yes...me, Georgia Cecile aka Grace is a big old coward!!

For the longest while, there are dreams I have entertained: real dreams, not wishful thinking…things I would like to do/ accomplish, because I believe…I know I have been endowed with much of what’s needed to realize them and yet…they remain in the realm of longing, waiting as it were, for that which will enable them to see the light of…reality.

Enter my morning devotions of yesterday, which was a recap of sessions of an online Lenten retreat, that I have been engaging with the British Jesuits, and the statement and then the question that made me admit [for truth be told I knew it already] that I was a coward. One particular session’s reflection is based on the story in Luke 5: 1 – 6, 10 – 11 [which I encourage you to read for yourself], that one in which Jesus, having seen the fishers, encouraged them to push out towards the deep and let down their nets for a catch. Now this might not seem too difficult a request except that these experienced fishers were washing their nets, not having caught anything the night before and [here is the corker]; the request, which was more like unsolicited advice, was being made [given] by a carpenter! Go figure.

So, here’s the part of the reflection that hit me. You can do with the imagery as you will but for me, the impact was nothing short of visceral; first the statement and then the question…

“You will never discover new lands if you don’t leave the harbor…we will not discover the ‘better’ we long for unless we risk sailing into deeper water.” That’s the statement, now for the question… “Do you perhaps feel that your spiritual journey is stuck on the shoreline or in the shallow waters…perhaps there are just too many nets to wash and not enough time to sail?”

I’m still trying to shape and form that within my gut into words; so I hope that up to now, I have not confused you. How many times have I (and you perhaps) settled for the good, just because I was too scared…too much of a coward, to reach for the better? How many times have I settled for the security of wading in ankle deep [spiritual] waters lacking the courage to head out to the beckoning horizon; there where neck-deep waters that I fear might pull me under, are really waiting to bear…to carry me towards my desired goal, if only I allow myself to relax and trust their enveloping security?

Many years ago, I engaged a most inspiring devotion on prayer, written by the late Brother Ramon SSF; in it he referenced Ezekiel 47: 1- 5, using every level of the water’s depth, spoken of in that passage, as an invitation to prayer that moves beyond simple petitioning to divine contemplation – a spiritual journey that requires trusting that if God beckons us towards that horizon, He will inspire strength and courage for the journey there.

As you might have guessed, I am still wrestling with the reality of what’s in my gut…the challenge of my cowardice and the greater blessing of knowing, even if only potentially for now, the wonders that await…out there in the deep. I am sensing the wind of the Spirit at my back and it’s not only blowing; there’s a gentle whisper with every divine gust, that says…go on try and remember I AM with you. I don’t always expect to be on a high, but neither do I want to allow good to become the enemy of better…to miss out on the joys of the beckoning horizon by playing it safe rather than being courageous.

Well…I hope you can make sense of this one. Truth is, I am really thinking aloud but if you find something that resonates then…more glory to God!

Until next week stay safe as you remain in His grip.

Grace+